you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
