Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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