Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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