you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
