just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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