then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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