My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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