I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
