i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
