I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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