Will you blow on my dice?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
40s are totally the cure
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
