Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
