my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
