Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
do nipples grow back?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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