I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There r osticjed everywhere
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
