she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
