Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
