I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to calm my uterus...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
