I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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