If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
