Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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