Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
