please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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