Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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