you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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