i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
