He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
