What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
