I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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