oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
