She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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