I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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