i think my tv is drunk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
