yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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