I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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