my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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