What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
