He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
