carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
