I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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