I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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