I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
