if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize