apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
