You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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