you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are two peas in an std pod
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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