hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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