Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
