Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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