at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
