Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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