TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
