he puts the penis in happiness.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
