Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
