i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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