he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
