he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
