she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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