I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
