We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
