Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
