Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
