wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
